Between Bag End & Orodruin

It seems in the next few days I pass two anniversaries. A year ago today I broke up with my last partner. In four more days I have been working for my current employer for one year. I’m not really sure what either of these anniversaries really mean, but it’s interesting that I noticed them only a few days ago.

What’s more interesting I guess is what I’ve managed to gain in the last year by way of achieving a better harmony with the Cosmos. I’d say I’m in a much better space now than I was a year ago. The 12 months prior to a year ago had been emotionally hard. The relationship I was in was obviously dead for both of us, we were just unwilling to take the final (and always difficult) step: that of acknowledging that as a relationship, things were over, and there were no more ways to “fix” things. Thanks to my ex partner’s quick temper, black & white attitude and a frank discussion we could both get on with the moving on! That done, the real recovery could start.

Now thanks to that tough discussion, I’m more comfortable now than I’ve ever been with my self and my position in the Cosmos is something I could never have imagined 12 months ago. Other relationships has passed out of my life too, the Piper must be paid…I do mourn Sammy moving out of my “reach”, but interestingly in practical terms I’m none the worse for wear for the loss of any of these losses. I do mourn a more distant Sammy though.

Short of Sammy though, amusement would be my most frequent response when reflecting on the casualties of the past “war”. The Cosmos has filled such voids with new people, or different weightings.

There’s no doubt that the new job I was about to start at the time has been a tremendous point of stability from which I could bounce off to a new stage in my life. It’s been the right job in the right place at the right time. It allowed me to make other decisions that I’d not seen coming, and there’s no doubt buying a house has been a complete turn about from my previous position on such things. Don’t mistake some minor turnabouts on material perceptions for a complete metaphysical and philosophical about face though. My fundamental philosophies are unchanged. In fact they’ve supported me through one of the most challenging years of my life to this point. In fact this has been the toughest year since I first got clean 19 years ago. Actually that anniversary was less than a fortnight ago: this has really been the month for such things….

To the Cosmos and all those who’ve helped me over the last 12 months I am most grateful.