I never, never fail to be amazed at the strange twists of the Cosmos. As usual, just when I think I have a firm grip on reality, the Cosmos demonstrates immediately to me that it’s all precarious and can flip on the draw of a rune so to speak…
I thought I had a comfortable handle on certain things being the way they were, and that was the state of play. A fantasy, was comfortably just that: a fantasy. Warm, fuzzy, sexy, dirty and accepted as just that! Then someone told me something that fairly fucking blew me away. There could have been a different reality, feelings, at least some of them were reciprocal.
I’m rambling I know. It’s very rare for me to feel so instantly attracted to someone so completely in all ways, let alone in the first few instants that I meet them. It’s only happened once before in fact. Those feelings still hold too, about fifteen years later. But I have never been given a straight answer by her, indeed Barb is a different story altogether. But in both cases, a Fantasy might have been if only the time and place were different.
In this case now though things are a little different. This time though things were stated a little more clearly. *Sigh* I’d been comfortable that things were one sided, and all was right in the Cosmos. People were where people were and it was all as it should be.
Now don’t get me wrong, People are obviously where they are meant to be, it’s just that I KNOW that had the time and place been different some things I desire may have come to pass, whereas in “this” reality much must remain in Fantasy, and I accept limits on what may be experienced. I may lust, but not consumate. I may be close but I’ll never be close enough either physically or emotionally or spirtually. I’ll never feel her heat or warm embrace. We’ll never just lie in bed entwined and listening to the pattering and look out the window at the rain on a lazy morning
How is this any different from the way it was just a couple of days ago you may ask? There is only one difference, a hope and desire turned to fact, the perversity of the Cosmos and Chronos have given me a glimpse of another possible reality. I’m glad I had the glimpse, it’s made me happy in an odd sort of way, but there’s no doubt it’s shaken me. It has been a few years since I had the rug pulled out from under me. So be it, I’ll recover, and my Cosmic guidelines are clear, which makes getting through such much easier.
Make what sense of all this as best you can, it’s a mere reflection of my scattered thoughts at the moment. I’m just that little bit crazy at the moment…
