I look and it’s been almost a year since I last updated. No surprise really, this last year’s been fairly terrible for the most part. Nothing in the tragic: no house burned down, flooded out, hit by meteor or other completely earth shattering. Just the slow hard grind of depression. This is such an insidious condition, sapping everything from life day after day after day.
Work has been impacted severely during the last year in particular, although admittedly it’s been seeing the impact for several years now. I’ve come to the realisation though, that there’ve been two major dysfunctions going on for me over the last few years. Firstly and most likely foremost, my Depression. Secondly I’ve come to see that as far as work goes, I’m also suffering from Burn Out. Couple that with depression, and it’s a fairly toxic combination. It might sound strange that I’m experiencing Burn Out AND Depression, but the distinction has become important in trying to combat the deterioration of my work situation. Clearly I’ve been experiencing significant Depression for most of my Teens, and all of my Adult life. For the most part this has not been treated. But over the last year, I’ve been making inroads, albeit slowly! I have achieved some major milestones, as far as certain responsibilities that I’d been ignoring for a few years, i.e. Tax, and debts. I’m certainly not debt free, but I’ve been making some inroads over the last two years, and in particular the last 12 months. Tax is up to date, and I’m still working on the debt situation, moving forward rather than backward. However, although my material situation is settling, my psychological disposition is still “in Flux”.
Hopefully over the next month, I’ll get a few more aspects of life stabilised and achieve some more forward momentum. It’s so difficult to help people who don’t suffer from it (depression) understand how it works, or rather the way things DON’T work! For most people, it’s “just a matter of will”. Unfortunately that approach would never have got me clean and in Recovery, and it certainly doesn’t seem to work for Depression either! There are times I think that I need the Old Furbag to get out of the ground and smack me about again. Tigga doesn’t do a bad job, but she’s yet to develop that true superiority complex that only an “A” Grade Furbag can exercise. Still, she’s working on it, and me. She’ll get there.
Hopefully now I’ll be updating again a bit more frequently. I need to get my writing and photography happening. Speaking of which, I’m configuring my photography blog, and it will be getting it’s first load of content up hopefully this weekend. The blog itself is there, but until the content is on it, I’ll wait before putting the link up here.