Log in

Category Archives: Depression


So it’s back to the drawing board for me. That old devil and I just couldn’t reignite the old flames enough for me to be able to hang in there when it was getting tough. To be fair it wasn’t anyone’s fault particularly. I was into my third week of the commute to Melbourne. Training […]


Remembering Old Blues…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, General, Work

It’s been over two and a half years since I left my last full-time position and quite regularly I’m left scratching my head some days how I’ve managed to survive it. The reality is that I wouldn’t have survived it without family & friends. I’m extremely grateful to all concerned. It seems that an old […]


Still In the Game…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, Goals, Health

At this stage I think a quick post is necessary just so you all realise I’m actually still alive and this two month hiatus from posting isn’t more “final”. I won’t lie, it’s been damn tough the last few months: tougher than it’s been in a long time. Emotionally & Psychologically it’s been hell; I’ve […]


“Today is the first day of the rest of my life…” It sounds hackneyed and trite. I’d be the first to say that is exactly how I have felt about that statement in the past but it’s also true. I’m not sure why (yet) that statement sounds different to me today, but I found myself […]


Progress is slow at best (if at all) over the last couple of months. I’ve been having some horrific bouts of deep Depression that seem to be profound but concentrated over a few days but anything up to about 10 days. Then I seem to crawl back up out of it. It also seems to […]


Lost Footing…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, Goals, Health

Clearly I’ve had a relapse with regard to the emotional position I was in 18 months ago and I can’t let that continue. Here’s hoping that with the financial mess behind me now I can grasp some bull by the horns and get some traction in life again. It’s been way too long since I […]

It’s come to my attention in the last few days just how much my study has been turned upside down over the last few months with various “spring cleans”. The very important workstation configuration is critical to getting work done in the quickest and most comfortable way. Clearly I’d forgotten just how well configured my […]

It’s been a while since my last post however I’ve not been doing nothing. I’ve been off the Anti-Depressant’s a month now completely. I’m shocked at the positives that have come from that so quickly. Now before I go any further don’t think for a minute that I believe that taking the course of AD’s […]

Many years ago when I was first getting clean it was suggested to me that I might make a “Gratitude List” for times I was feeling somewhat negative about things in general. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with that thought in my mind again. So I suppose it might […]

I can’t say it was a great weekend of activity, although I did help a friend out with something that’s been holding her back from getting a lot of work done. It’s good to know you can help friends and receive the simple joy and satisfaction that comes with that and the recognise the appreciation […]


The Maelstrom…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, Dreams, Philosophy, Winge, Work

It seems I’m in a holding pattern, slowly spiralling inwards but not really reaching a destination, i.e. a goal. Financially I’ve slowed the sinking, but the lifeboat is still leaking slowly, with the threat of a major leak constantly a threat. Purposiveness is disintegrating slowly too which is as concerning if not more. I’m steeling […]


Well so far I’m managing to stay positive and trying to do my best to use my time productively. Sleep is still an issue, not so much getting sleep, just a matter of when. But I’ve stopped worrying about the when and just make sure I’m getting enough and not too much. Then I just […]

If I was to sum up the year that’s pretty much now past, I’d have to say it’s not been the best of years for me. That said, it’s certainly not been the worst of years, it would have had to be a total train wreck for me to think that of it. There have […]


I’ve at least got the glimmerings of hope that the New Year may not be as hard as this outgoing year has been. There’s not necessarily anything earth shattering that’s happened over the last week to make me feel this way that I can pinpoint. Christmas was uneventful, but not unpleasant, and that’s about the […]


Well I can barely credit it being December now. It’s not so long ago I was still getting organised for my NZ South Island trip! There’s been quite a bit happen over the year I guess, but unfortunately it looks like I’m seeing the year out with out any supplementary work to assist me. I’ve […]


Between Worlds…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, Dreams, Health

Lost in time & space day, basically embraced Morpheus.



Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, Games, General, Work

Much the same as yesterday. I did join a “meetup.com” group for boardgames. I’m also going to try a weekly gaming session at GUF to ensure I get out of the house a couple of times a week for some fun. Networking might help with some work to keep the wolves at bay too!


Lack Lustre…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, General, Goals

Fairly lack lustre day, struggled to emotionally keep my head above water. On days like this it’s hard to know if you’re better off trying too push through it, or sleep through it.


Stepping Out…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, Games, Health, Relationships

A slow day. Plans for a burn off to get rid of the collection of branches blown down over the last few months by the wild weather were rescheduled due to too much wind. Additionally rain put a stop to mowing. So in the end I spend the afternoon going through boxes of old computing […]


Being Kind to Myself…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, General, Health, Work

Today was just another day spent trying to come up with more ideas about kicking off small opportunities to enter into the coming holiday season with so as to have something running next year. Employment opportunities traditionally slow down at this time of the year here, and don’t really kick off again until middle to […]


My negative waves must be transmitting, since I had a call from my sister today. She does seem to have a “Craig Alarm” that goes off when I’m in a really shabby place. Anyway it was good to have a short rant session. It definitely eased the angst of the day for me. I suppose […]


Scratching my head most of today trying to come up with some new ideas for pulling in some money. The Furbags refuse to shake booty out on the street corner so a career as a Pimp clearly won’t work.

Still wrestling with the sleep pattern, but at least it seems to be coming around. I’m hopeful that by Wednesday I should be back into the normal pattern. I’ve found that for me 06:30 to 22:30 / 23:00 works best.


Biting the Bullet…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, General, Health, Winge

Less angry than yesterday, after nothing is going to change except my behaviour. I can’t afford to get bitter when I’m already struggling against falling down another pit of Depression.


Night Shift…

Written by m0rg0th. No comments Posted in: Depression, Health

Sleep cycle is absolutely shattered this week. It feels like I’m slipping into a night shift mode.