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    Base Basics…


    2022 - 09.15

    Posted in Film, Games, Health, House, Photography, Relationships | No Comments »

    Well I may not have got to a blog entry the next day, but it seems I’m managing one today.

    Overall Monday was not a bad day as far as getting some things done that had been holding me back. I got a 6km walk in with my friend Tony and followed that up with coffee and potato wedges, sour cream & sweet chilli sauce. What a treat!

    Tuesday I spent time cleaning up that car & house a bit and catching up on some reading. Sorted out the mortgage for the month with the bank since that had looked a bit dicey on Monday but thanks to the help of a friend and my dad I’ve limped over the month given that I’d not been able to work as much as I would normally.

    Wednesday I went over to dad’s prior to a bit of Menulogging and had coffee, brunch and a good chat. I’m quite happy that my relationship with him has continued to improve over the years and I can tell he’s been making a considerable effort over the last year to be more positive about the things I do or try. Last week I took him out to dinner for my birthday and he really enjoyed himself which heartened me immensely. We’ve been discussing Elizabeth II’s death a bit the last few days and the feelings and thought’s it’s brought up for us both. He’s seen 3 Monarchs over his life so far, whereas I’ve only ever known Elizabeth II, but she’s definitely had the longest and largest influence over both of us. We’re both sure we won’t see her like again in our lifetimes. Charles III will no doubt do well and I think William will follow on well too.

    Forthcoming house related projects will be some woodchipping and mulching over the coming weeks, as well as some more wood collection, since the cold weather’s not finished yet. Once the weather picks up it will be time to strip the varnish and revarnish the doors and windows externally.

    As far as entertainment goes I’ve been focussing on reacquanting myself with some RPG’s and seeking out new ones, some for Solo play, as well as hopefully enlisting a few people into testing a couple of them out. I’m also trying to keep at least one boardgame going solo upstairs now to reduce the amount of Youtube time, additionally working on getting the miniatures for my copy of War of the Ring (1st edition) painted. Down the track once I’ve improved my painting skills I’ll do the 2nd Edition copy.

    I’m also aiming for at least one book a week read to catch up on my flagging reading list I assembled 2 years ago.

    I’m just waiting on a couple of purchases on Amazon and then I’ll be cancelling that subscription until I need some more free shipping. I have little to no use for Amazon Prime outside of the free shipping. Streaming is not really an entertainment option for me these days, it really hasn’t been for years. Those who know me know my attitude towards contemporary entertainment coming out of Hollywood & the large media conglomerates these days. I don’t ever really see me returning to either source for visual entertainment while I’m of sound mind. My friend Julie & I have been watching the Peter Jackson LoTR Trilogy recently because she’s never seen the extended editions. For me it’s also a small protest of no consequence to anyone against Amazon’s “Anus of Power: Bezos’ Folly”. I’m not giving it a single click that they can count as a view from me. There is now NO Intellectual Property that I’ve ever really thought significant in my life that hasn’t been polluted and denigrated by the modern media monsters. I’m over watching the relentless Bushfires that were those IP’s. There is no entertainment for me in their new material now. I have hard media for anything I’ve thought worth watching multiple times, that I’ve collected over the years. My entertainment now resides in board gaming, RPG’s, PC gaming (mostly old), books (mostly old), my Art and my family and friends.

    Focus of Gratitude for the day: Despite the Health Issues I do have, I’m still able bodied and have options than many in this world unfortunately do not.

    Emerging from the Fog…


    2022 - 09.12

    Posted in Art, Depression, Furbag, General, Photography, Work | No Comments »

    Yes it’s been a couple of years since I have updated this blog, I’ve been trying to get started again several times over the last 12 months but just haven’t been able to make it happen. Emotionally last year wasn’t a particularly bad year for me, probably upon reflection a better one than this year. Chemoux died around March this year, probably snakebite, putting me back to a single cat household again. Tiggakat has definitely stepped up the interactions since but I still miss my “shadow” and Supervisor.

    The last couple of months have seen me drop down mood wise quite a bit, still being connected to Centrelink really is a pair of psychological concrete boots now. This new system is even worse than the previous and I didn’t really think that was possible. It seems that the cost of having that small amount of financial assistance to fall back on is now no longer worth the psychological and emotional weight it brings with it. I’m just hanging on until car registration is due and I can pay it, then I think I’ll just have to drop off for my mental health. If I can manage to get through 25 hours per week with either Menulog or Uber then truly my need to have anything to do with Centrelink will evaporate and I feel sure there will be a substantial positive impact with regard to my Depressive Bouts.

    In some ways this year has been much better for me financially with the addition of extra income provided by Menulog. However it’s definitely reminded me about how quickly my mental health is influenced by the number of hours I work. It seems that the reality for me after my last full time position is that I deteriorate rapidly once hitting about 25 hours in a week. Sure, I can make it to up to 40 hours in a single week, but to repeat that for more than a couple of weeks will bring me unstuck withing the month. What is postive is that I know that something like Menulog or Uber can work for me as far as bringing in regular income in a way that nothing else in the last 7 years has been able to do. The flexibility of this type of work allows me to actually get income coming in on a regular basis without exacerbating bouts of Depression, provided I don’t get myself in a position where I feel compelled to overdo it. This has helped me get through financially without sinking too far down over the winter which has been the most difficult time over the last half decade.

    I hope to get a regular blogging habit back over the next month, aiming for at least one entry a week over the next month. I’m hoping to get a list of several things that need to be reinstated as good habits done over the next day or so, including my walking, since much has fallen off over the last couple of months.

    There are also a couple of tasks that need to be taken care of such as submitting my tax for the last financial year and getting organised around a new exhibition for next year. I’ve let my Art suffer this year in pursuit of income but without really achieving the baseline to allow the time for my Photography.

    Focus of Gratitude for the Day: I am very fortunate that I still have people in my life who do care about me and wish me well.

    Creativity versus Art…


    2019 - 08.08

    Posted in Art, Film, General, Goals, Philosophy, Photography | No Comments »

    I was commenting in a photography blog earlier in response to the question, “is an Artist born?” I think it’s quite a nuanced answer. Some of the conversation mirrored what I seem to be hearing a lot today: that creatives are artists. I am of the opinion that there’s a difference between being creative and being an Artist (although Artists are certainly creatives).

    In my experience almost all people are creative given opportunities, resources and encouragement. Even without encouragement people will still be creative from time to time to get through a situation etc. Hobbies are often an expression of creativity. But, the Artist is a different beast. There is an obsession with theme and process, determination, and long-term conscious and unconscious observation being melded with an insight. All of this manifests in a pursuit of expressing and representing a vision or perspective. Often through alternative processes and mediums.

    I posit that for the Artist there is no other path that is not a living death. There is an interesting documentary called “David Lynch: The Art Life” about David Lynch, often known for his surreal filmmaking but is an extremely prolific sculptor, photographer, painter and practitioner of assemblage. It’s very enlightening around this idea without being overly political.

    Goodbye Old Friend…


    2019 - 07.27

    Posted in Art, Music, Philosophy, Photography, Relationships | No Comments »

    As is so often the case with the significant and profound relationships or events in a life, the conception is difficult to identify with certainty. The instant in time where Steve first entered my life is lost to my memory now because the impact that he had on my life has been so profound and overshadowed whence it began some 40 plus years ago. What I can say on reflection is that my time with Steve contained the most enjoyable and wonderful experiences I have had in my life to this very day.

    I met Steve through music. As I said I don’t remember those initial specifics anymore, but what did matter was that when Steve, Gary and I played together that first time, it was a case of the whole was greater than the sum of the parts. We immediately knew that there was a special connection between us that operated at a level of consciousness that was beyond speech. Our creative processes complimented each other. Over the years of our playing together other band members or guests came and went but the nucleus was always the three of us. No one else we played with offered the same experience of being able to either preempt or immediately respond to a creative choice while playing or composing. The musicians out there will know what I mean when I say it’s a unique find. The ability to collaborate unconsciously, bounce off one another creatively with respect, assuredness and with consistency is an aspiration few bands achieve.

    We played gigs together, split briefly, realized that what we had together was not to be had easily then rejoined. We recorded together, but it was performing live that we really enjoyed the most. In fact we didn’t record it if we couldn’t repeat it live. At that time we had dreams, hopes, a lust for life and friendship that I recall with envy now as the passage of time has eroded my dreams, hopes and life of lust.

    As our twenties hit, life pulled Steve, Gary and myself along different journeys, but Steve would reach out to me every so often over the years and attempt to recapture that musical magic. Unfortunately my journey kept steering me away from people who cared for me and burned my musical bridges. In the 1990’s Gary died and along with him so did a little bit of Steve and myself. At that point we both realised that we’d lost something unique in our lives. Still it was not until the 2000’s that our friendship flourished again. What is amazing is that we could just pick right up again even after some years apart. But that’s true friendship: with solid honest foundations and respect, friendship will survive a drought. Interestingly we had yet another creative cross over, independently we’d both become interested in photography. So kindred spirits are kindred spirits in more ways than one.

    When I think of Steve these are the words that come to mind. Genuine, authentic, loyal, extraordinary, creative, enthusiastic, respectful, kind, loving, paternal, dedicated, perfectionist, passionate, audacious, effervescent and absolutely a man of integrity.

    Dear Steve, I think of thee with kindness, with kindness I think of thee.

    Until later “big buddy”, ever your friend, Craig.

    Delving into Unexplored Spaces…


    2019 - 05.04

    Posted in Art, General, Philosophy, Photography, Relationships | No Comments »

    Lately I’ve been experiencing a renewed motivation in my photography. Much of this is with the encouragement and support of an artist friend for which I’m very grateful. She’s encouraging some collaborative projects and regularly suggesting trips and subject matter that she thinks will inspire me to create more works.

    Much of her work has been either in Sculpture / Assemblage or Charcoal, rather than in photography. So it may seem there’s not much overlap; but the cross pollination and discussions around the ideas and inspirations for the subject matter and interpretation is stoking the fires of my creativity.

    Knowledge is both the Parent & the Child.
    I Will Not Be Swayed.

    Above are two of the works that came out of a project earlier in the week. Human Portraits are not my usual fare, but we were both very happy with what we came away with from the afternoon’s session.

    The Art Life…


    2019 - 02.03

    Posted in Art, Film, General, Work | No Comments »

    I’ve been watching The Art Life, a documentary about David Lynch and “The Art Life”. It’s such a different picture of David Lynch than I’ve previously had, so much so that I was wondering if there are two David Lynch artists, the Director and the Artist. By that I mean literally separate human beings. But it’s one & the same. That aside it’s provoked some interesting thoughts. So food for thought.

    Some of his inspirational “mottos”:

    • Coffee, food & art (work).
    • Compartmentalising life and those others in it.
    • Keep making “bad art” until you find your good art.
    • We’re deeply and constantly influenced by others all our lives. Keep making until you find your own art.

    I’m so glad he’s refused to be part of the “hollywood establishment” because it’s inspirational to know that people can make it in their own way.

    Workstation Black & Blue…


    2017 - 05.18

    Posted in Creative Writing, Depression, Health, Work | No Comments »

    It’s come to my attention in the last few days just how much my study has been turned upside down over the last few months with various “spring cleans”. The very important workstation configuration is critical to getting work done in the quickest and most comfortable way. Clearly I’d forgotten just how well configured my workstation has been: until I realised it had been changed and that’s why all of a sudden I was feeling all this back ache and sense of stress.

    So several hours was spent overnight getting it all set back up into the correct configuration again! Desk has been lowered to it’s correct position again, and while I was at it I pulled the switch apart on the electric adjustment and fixed that so that it wasn’t hanging loose anymore. Getting the chair right again has also made a significant difference. It’s not hard to tell when you’ve got it right, no back pain after an hour!

    Set Course for “that away”…


    2017 - 05.03

    Posted in Art, Creative Writing, Depression, General, Health, Work | No Comments »

    It’s been a while since my last post however I’ve not been doing nothing. I’ve been off the Anti-Depressant’s a month now completely. I’m shocked at the positives that have come from that so quickly.

    Now before I go any further don’t think for a minute that I believe that taking the course of AD’s for three years was a bad choice. Clearly it wasn’t: it enabled me to leave the toxic place of work that was driving me to the brink, enabled me to make some other decisions that have since clearly moved me into a more responsible attitude towards the further directions my life will take.

    That said, I could probably have come off them 12 months after I went on them after having left the toxic workplace. Working there was clearly the most damaging thing I was doing to myself from a health perspective. Needless to say it’s done now, things are moving forward more quickly than I anticipated. All of this is good. I’ve not had a single depressive bout for the thirty odd days since coming off them.

    I’d come to consider that rather than assisting me now, the AD’s were actually hindering me from moving back into the world I needed connect with again. It seemed to me that the only way to know that for sure was to come off them again and see what awaited me on the outside. I had discussed this with my GP six months back and was ready to wean off them when I decided that due to an impending job prospect I’d wait in case the levels of demand on me were such that I still needed to be stabilised. However that situation passed, the job didn’t eventuate and with another prescription renewal dawning I decided now was the time. There were no significant pressures outside the normal and I was dealing well with them. However my life was feeling like I was now treading water in the Sargasso Sea. I was uninspired, feeling creatively hindered and generally weighed down. It felt like it a draft print looks from a laser printer. There but barely.

    Against and I must stress the against my GP’s suggestion I decided to come off cold turkey. We’d originally planned a tiered approach until I was no longer taking them: pretty much a two or three month timetable. But given that I now had what I considered the perfect time to do it quickly and without any significant life pressures looming I decided to jump off the figurative bridge.

    I didn’t do this blindly or unprepared however. I renewed the prescription keeping it easily to hand in case it was needed. I’m an old hand at coming off mood & mind altering substances via the cold turkey method and confirming no physical risks from doing so with this medication in particular, I decided to commit to the path. I had backup plans in place, friends who were aware of what I was doing and why. They would be ready to assist if necessary.

    Once again I strongly urge against this method without certain things in place. This is definitely a case of only if you’re fully aware of what might be going to happen and do your best to plan for it: certainly do not do it without people helping you. As I said even though I’ve had previous personal experience coming off a lot of illicit drugs, cold turkey is not without it’s risks. I cannot emphasise enough that it’s NOT something to go into without your eyes open and other people to be there for you if it all goes to hell. There are risks of physical reactions and extreme psychological reactions including potentially suicide.

    A month later, my head is clear, my body feels grounded, I’m awaking from sleep far more refreshed and I’ve been impressed with the amount of motivation I’ve had available to channel into various tasks I’ve needed to get done for a while. I think it’s been the appropriate choice at this point.

    I’m now looking forward to the new chapters in my life.

    Monday Morning Gratitude List…


    2017 - 03.20

    Posted in Art, Depression, General, Goals, Health, Relationships | No Comments »

    Many years ago when I was first getting clean it was suggested to me that I might make a “Gratitude List” for times I was feeling somewhat negative about things in general. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with that thought in my mind again. So I suppose it might be meaningful to do so again.

    • I’m MOST grateful for having friends. I mean REAL friends, not the fictional Social Media “friends”; friends who exist in real life, have physicality. I don’t have a lot of friends, I prefer solid, deep friendships to the casual. My friends provide emotional support, love, entertainment and a solid grounding to life. They’re priceless, they are the real wealth and richness in my life.
    • I’m grateful for my family. Although clearly as dysfunctional as the best of them, they’re still there for me in the hardest of times, and despite my foibles have learned to take me as I am. My parents have managed to provide me with a solid idea about the profoundness of ethics and values, and that people MATTER. They provided me with a good education and taught me the VALUE of education and knowledge.
    • I AM grateful for living in Australia. Despite my many misgivings about where our country is headed as against many other countries I do believe we still have a chance here to not repeat many of the mistakes that I see other countries making.
    • I’m grateful for my good physical health. I believe having good health is so often taken for granted and it’s only when you know people for whom it can’t be taken for granted and see the devastating impact on their lives that it occurs to you how easy it is to lose it.
    • I’m grateful for a solid education that taught me the value of continually learning.
    • I’m grateful that there are so many people still out there who are willing to stand up and advocate for the weak, disenfranchised and maligned within our world and remind us that there is not justice for all, that there is still much to be done to achieve a better world.
    • I’m grateful for the artists in the world showing us wonderful new ways to see the world around us.
    • I’m grateful for my cats. They keep me sane when no-one else can.

    I’m sure there’s more, yet that’s as much as I can see today.

    A Personal 2016 Summary…


    2016 - 12.31

    Posted in Depression, Dreams, General, Goals, Health, House, Humour, Philosophy, Photography, Relationships, Work | No Comments »

    If I was to sum up the year that’s pretty much now past, I’d have to say it’s not been the best of years for me. That said, it’s certainly not been the worst of years, it would have had to be a total train wreck for me to think that of it. There have been the usual mix of positive and negatives, highs and lows.

    Amongst the highs would be knowing that my friends definitely care about me. All my friends have been very supportive of my situation even though it’s been to a large degree of my choice by leaving work. They have easily recognised the Psychological issues involved and not one of them has devalued me in any manner. It’s been fantastic to feel that support. I’ve clearly chosen my friends wisely. Hopefully they all feel the same.

    Also travelling to NZ for both pleasure and business was absolutely awe-inspiring and definitely life enhancing. Even though in many ways we (Australians thinking about New Zealanders) think we are similar, for the most part I think these days we’re not! Geography is our most common factor. New Zealand as a community seems to be moving forward both economically and socially moving forward, whereas Australia seems only to be running backwards at a great rate. Our Politicians and most of the businesses in this country are hell bent on turning our country into a “Mini US” that seems to believe it’s citizens are an inconvenience at best and disposable at worst.

    I’ve also managing to hold onto the house for at least another year. That’s been another positive milestone for me this year and a very pleasant surprise considering the economic pressure. It seems that originally buying at a price that took into account six to twelve months possible unemployment was a very sensible move.

    As I said before, it’s not been all roses and chocolate. I suppose, although there are times I wonder talking to others, that no regular income this year again has been the most difficult and challenging part of the year for me. There’s no doubt that having no regular income in Australia (yes first world problem) is an unpleasant thing to stay the least. It certainly clarifies the mind with regard to Social Justice in this country: there’s very little! I know in many other countries it could be much worse but then that doesn’t justify it. Again in some other countries it is much better. Australians as a whole need to take a long hard look at what they want their future communities to be like because at this stage the outlook is extremely black.

    However that said, I’m seeing the year out on a high and I believe that 2017 will be a better year for me to reflect on when its 31st of December rolls around.

    To all my friends:

    Thank you for your wonderful care and friendship, I hope I am always able to respond in kind.


    May you all have a Happy New Year.

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