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Base Basics…

2022 - 09.15

Posted in Film, Games, Health, House, Photography, Relationships | No Comments »

Well I may not have got to a blog entry the next day, but it seems I’m managing one today.

Overall Monday was not a bad day as far as getting some things done that had been holding me back. I got a 6km walk in with my friend Tony and followed that up with coffee and potato wedges, sour cream & sweet chilli sauce. What a treat!

Tuesday I spent time cleaning up that car & house a bit and catching up on some reading. Sorted out the mortgage for the month with the bank since that had looked a bit dicey on Monday but thanks to the help of a friend and my dad I’ve limped over the month given that I’d not been able to work as much as I would normally.

Wednesday I went over to dad’s prior to a bit of Menulogging and had coffee, brunch and a good chat. I’m quite happy that my relationship with him has continued to improve over the years and I can tell he’s been making a considerable effort over the last year to be more positive about the things I do or try. Last week I took him out to dinner for my birthday and he really enjoyed himself which heartened me immensely. We’ve been discussing Elizabeth II’s death a bit the last few days and the feelings and thought’s it’s brought up for us both. He’s seen 3 Monarchs over his life so far, whereas I’ve only ever known Elizabeth II, but she’s definitely had the longest and largest influence over both of us. We’re both sure we won’t see her like again in our lifetimes. Charles III will no doubt do well and I think William will follow on well too.

Forthcoming house related projects will be some woodchipping and mulching over the coming weeks, as well as some more wood collection, since the cold weather’s not finished yet. Once the weather picks up it will be time to strip the varnish and revarnish the doors and windows externally.

As far as entertainment goes I’ve been focussing on reacquanting myself with some RPG’s and seeking out new ones, some for Solo play, as well as hopefully enlisting a few people into testing a couple of them out. I’m also trying to keep at least one boardgame going solo upstairs now to reduce the amount of Youtube time, additionally working on getting the miniatures for my copy of War of the Ring (1st edition) painted. Down the track once I’ve improved my painting skills I’ll do the 2nd Edition copy.

I’m also aiming for at least one book a week read to catch up on my flagging reading list I assembled 2 years ago.

I’m just waiting on a couple of purchases on Amazon and then I’ll be cancelling that subscription until I need some more free shipping. I have little to no use for Amazon Prime outside of the free shipping. Streaming is not really an entertainment option for me these days, it really hasn’t been for years. Those who know me know my attitude towards contemporary entertainment coming out of Hollywood & the large media conglomerates these days. I don’t ever really see me returning to either source for visual entertainment while I’m of sound mind. My friend Julie & I have been watching the Peter Jackson LoTR Trilogy recently because she’s never seen the extended editions. For me it’s also a small protest of no consequence to anyone against Amazon’s “Anus of Power: Bezos’ Folly”. I’m not giving it a single click that they can count as a view from me. There is now NO Intellectual Property that I’ve ever really thought significant in my life that hasn’t been polluted and denigrated by the modern media monsters. I’m over watching the relentless Bushfires that were those IP’s. There is no entertainment for me in their new material now. I have hard media for anything I’ve thought worth watching multiple times, that I’ve collected over the years. My entertainment now resides in board gaming, RPG’s, PC gaming (mostly old), books (mostly old), my Art and my family and friends.

Focus of Gratitude for the day: Despite the Health Issues I do have, I’m still able bodied and have options than many in this world unfortunately do not.

Emerging from the Fog…

2022 - 09.12

Posted in Art, Depression, Furbag, General, Photography, Work | No Comments »

Yes it’s been a couple of years since I have updated this blog, I’ve been trying to get started again several times over the last 12 months but just haven’t been able to make it happen. Emotionally last year wasn’t a particularly bad year for me, probably upon reflection a better one than this year. Chemoux died around March this year, probably snakebite, putting me back to a single cat household again. Tiggakat has definitely stepped up the interactions since but I still miss my “shadow” and Supervisor.

The last couple of months have seen me drop down mood wise quite a bit, still being connected to Centrelink really is a pair of psychological concrete boots now. This new system is even worse than the previous and I didn’t really think that was possible. It seems that the cost of having that small amount of financial assistance to fall back on is now no longer worth the psychological and emotional weight it brings with it. I’m just hanging on until car registration is due and I can pay it, then I think I’ll just have to drop off for my mental health. If I can manage to get through 25 hours per week with either Menulog or Uber then truly my need to have anything to do with Centrelink will evaporate and I feel sure there will be a substantial positive impact with regard to my Depressive Bouts.

In some ways this year has been much better for me financially with the addition of extra income provided by Menulog. However it’s definitely reminded me about how quickly my mental health is influenced by the number of hours I work. It seems that the reality for me after my last full time position is that I deteriorate rapidly once hitting about 25 hours in a week. Sure, I can make it to up to 40 hours in a single week, but to repeat that for more than a couple of weeks will bring me unstuck withing the month. What is postive is that I know that something like Menulog or Uber can work for me as far as bringing in regular income in a way that nothing else in the last 7 years has been able to do. The flexibility of this type of work allows me to actually get income coming in on a regular basis without exacerbating bouts of Depression, provided I don’t get myself in a position where I feel compelled to overdo it. This has helped me get through financially without sinking too far down over the winter which has been the most difficult time over the last half decade.

I hope to get a regular blogging habit back over the next month, aiming for at least one entry a week over the next month. I’m hoping to get a list of several things that need to be reinstated as good habits done over the next day or so, including my walking, since much has fallen off over the last couple of months.

There are also a couple of tasks that need to be taken care of such as submitting my tax for the last financial year and getting organised around a new exhibition for next year. I’ve let my Art suffer this year in pursuit of income but without really achieving the baseline to allow the time for my Photography.

Focus of Gratitude for the Day: I am very fortunate that I still have people in my life who do care about me and wish me well.

Creativity versus Art…

2019 - 08.08

Posted in Art, Film, General, Goals, Philosophy, Photography | No Comments »

I was commenting in a photography blog earlier in response to the question, “is an Artist born?” I think it’s quite a nuanced answer. Some of the conversation mirrored what I seem to be hearing a lot today: that creatives are artists. I am of the opinion that there’s a difference between being creative and being an Artist (although Artists are certainly creatives).

In my experience almost all people are creative given opportunities, resources and encouragement. Even without encouragement people will still be creative from time to time to get through a situation etc. Hobbies are often an expression of creativity. But, the Artist is a different beast. There is an obsession with theme and process, determination, and long-term conscious and unconscious observation being melded with an insight. All of this manifests in a pursuit of expressing and representing a vision or perspective. Often through alternative processes and mediums.

I posit that for the Artist there is no other path that is not a living death. There is an interesting documentary called “David Lynch: The Art Life” about David Lynch, often known for his surreal filmmaking but is an extremely prolific sculptor, photographer, painter and practitioner of assemblage. It’s very enlightening around this idea without being overly political.

Goodbye Old Friend…

2019 - 07.27

Posted in Art, Music, Philosophy, Photography, Relationships | No Comments »

As is so often the case with the significant and profound relationships or events in a life, the conception is difficult to identify with certainty. The instant in time where Steve first entered my life is lost to my memory now because the impact that he had on my life has been so profound and overshadowed whence it began some 40 plus years ago. What I can say on reflection is that my time with Steve contained the most enjoyable and wonderful experiences I have had in my life to this very day.

I met Steve through music. As I said I don’t remember those initial specifics anymore, but what did matter was that when Steve, Gary and I played together that first time, it was a case of the whole was greater than the sum of the parts. We immediately knew that there was a special connection between us that operated at a level of consciousness that was beyond speech. Our creative processes complimented each other. Over the years of our playing together other band members or guests came and went but the nucleus was always the three of us. No one else we played with offered the same experience of being able to either preempt or immediately respond to a creative choice while playing or composing. The musicians out there will know what I mean when I say it’s a unique find. The ability to collaborate unconsciously, bounce off one another creatively with respect, assuredness and with consistency is an aspiration few bands achieve.

We played gigs together, split briefly, realized that what we had together was not to be had easily then rejoined. We recorded together, but it was performing live that we really enjoyed the most. In fact we didn’t record it if we couldn’t repeat it live. At that time we had dreams, hopes, a lust for life and friendship that I recall with envy now as the passage of time has eroded my dreams, hopes and life of lust.

As our twenties hit, life pulled Steve, Gary and myself along different journeys, but Steve would reach out to me every so often over the years and attempt to recapture that musical magic. Unfortunately my journey kept steering me away from people who cared for me and burned my musical bridges. In the 1990’s Gary died and along with him so did a little bit of Steve and myself. At that point we both realised that we’d lost something unique in our lives. Still it was not until the 2000’s that our friendship flourished again. What is amazing is that we could just pick right up again even after some years apart. But that’s true friendship: with solid honest foundations and respect, friendship will survive a drought. Interestingly we had yet another creative cross over, independently we’d both become interested in photography. So kindred spirits are kindred spirits in more ways than one.

When I think of Steve these are the words that come to mind. Genuine, authentic, loyal, extraordinary, creative, enthusiastic, respectful, kind, loving, paternal, dedicated, perfectionist, passionate, audacious, effervescent and absolutely a man of integrity.

Dear Steve, I think of thee with kindness, with kindness I think of thee.

Until later “big buddy”, ever your friend, Craig.

Delving into Unexplored Spaces…

2019 - 05.04

Posted in Art, General, Philosophy, Photography, Relationships | No Comments »

Lately I’ve been experiencing a renewed motivation in my photography. Much of this is with the encouragement and support of an artist friend for which I’m very grateful. She’s encouraging some collaborative projects and regularly suggesting trips and subject matter that she thinks will inspire me to create more works.

Much of her work has been either in Sculpture / Assemblage or Charcoal, rather than in photography. So it may seem there’s not much overlap; but the cross pollination and discussions around the ideas and inspirations for the subject matter and interpretation is stoking the fires of my creativity.

Knowledge is both the Parent & the Child.

Above are two of the works that came out of a project earlier in the week. Human Portraits are not my usual fare, but we were both very happy with what we came away with from the afternoon’s session.

A Personal 2016 Summary…

2016 - 12.31

Posted in Depression, Dreams, General, Goals, Health, House, Humour, Philosophy, Photography, Relationships, Work | No Comments »

If I was to sum up the year that’s pretty much now past, I’d have to say it’s not been the best of years for me. That said, it’s certainly not been the worst of years, it would have had to be a total train wreck for me to think that of it. There have been the usual mix of positive and negatives, highs and lows.

Amongst the highs would be knowing that my friends definitely care about me. All my friends have been very supportive of my situation even though it’s been to a large degree of my choice by leaving work. They have easily recognised the Psychological issues involved and not one of them has devalued me in any manner. It’s been fantastic to feel that support. I’ve clearly chosen my friends wisely. Hopefully they all feel the same.

Also travelling to NZ for both pleasure and business was absolutely awe-inspiring and definitely life enhancing. Even though in many ways we (Australians thinking about New Zealanders) think we are similar, for the most part I think these days we’re not! Geography is our most common factor. New Zealand as a community seems to be moving forward both economically and socially moving forward, whereas Australia seems only to be running backwards at a great rate. Our Politicians and most of the businesses in this country are hell bent on turning our country into a “Mini US” that seems to believe it’s citizens are an inconvenience at best and disposable at worst.

I’ve also managing to hold onto the house for at least another year. That’s been another positive milestone for me this year and a very pleasant surprise considering the economic pressure. It seems that originally buying at a price that took into account six to twelve months possible unemployment was a very sensible move.

As I said before, it’s not been all roses and chocolate. I suppose, although there are times I wonder talking to others, that no regular income this year again has been the most difficult and challenging part of the year for me. There’s no doubt that having no regular income in Australia (yes first world problem) is an unpleasant thing to stay the least. It certainly clarifies the mind with regard to Social Justice in this country: there’s very little! I know in many other countries it could be much worse but then that doesn’t justify it. Again in some other countries it is much better. Australians as a whole need to take a long hard look at what they want their future communities to be like because at this stage the outlook is extremely black.

However that said, I’m seeing the year out on a high and I believe that 2017 will be a better year for me to reflect on when its 31st of December rolls around.

To all my friends:

Thank you for your wonderful care and friendship, I hope I am always able to respond in kind.

May you all have a Happy New Year.

Monochrome No More…

2016 - 12.31

Posted in Depression, General, Goals, Health, Photography, Tech, Work | No Comments »

I’ve at least got the glimmerings of hope that the New Year may not be as hard as this outgoing year has been. There’s not necessarily anything earth shattering that’s happened over the last week to make me feel this way that I can pinpoint. Christmas was uneventful, but not unpleasant, and that’s about the best I hope for Christmas. Not being a Christian, it’s a day that only has meaning by the fact it’s the one day of the year I’m guaranteed to spend time with my family at my home.

There’s no immediate signs of any work of a regular sort at the moment, it’s certainly the worst time of year to hope for that sort of change. However surprisingly there are a few jobs that I can and should realistically apply for and shall. There’s not much point in saying anymore on either of those at this stage since the last 12 months has really been a bit of a “non event” as far as such expectations go. If something more than a “thanks but no thanks” eventuates, I’ll be willing to say more on that aspect of my life. What’s more of interest immediately to me is the new found enthusiasm I seem to have found for life and facing the days.

I’ve always stated that “I’m not a Coder’s Arsehole” which is really my way of saying that I’ve not considered myself interested in Programming. The reality was that while I didn’t start a B. Comp. to learn to code, initially I did find it interesting and at least for the first few units managed HD’s. But as life’s pressures mounted and I found myself working a full time week and balancing full-time university my interest in Programming drastically evaporated. I was really far more interested in other aspects of I.T. and didn’t really anticipate working in that area of Computing. Programming had not really been in my skill set prior to University, and it seemed to me that those that were great at code already knew how to code before they hit University. That said, Fifteen years later, I find myself with a renewed interest in Programming not sullied by the Lack Lustre opinion of what a Degree (or two) is worth in the real world now.

A couple of seemingly unrelated and small conversations and some unexpected circumstances have caused me to re-evaluate my attitude and my “willingness” to apply myself to programming. It’s just possible that I might be able to generate some income by raising my skill set back up in this area. I have the time, oodles of time at the moment.

There’s pressure for work, but NOT really any pressure to do programming just to get an assignment done. I’m exploring it in the way I’ve explored anything that’s interested my in the past, and usually that means with great gusto! It’s probably more a surprise to myself than anyone else that I am actually enjoying re-teaching myself to code. Admittedly, technically at the moment I wouldn’t call it true programming as I’m starting with HTML 5 & CSS(3). However I’ve drafted out a rough plan of seeing how I got with this for a month and if the interest is maintained and my skill level grows in the manner I’m used to seeing when I apply myself to something with my natural enthusiasm for new knowledge, I shall try my hand at Programming for Apple OS & iOS and also revisit “C” Programming and Programming in C+(+). I have no great desire to throw myself into C# again, but it’s not impossible.

It seems to me a good counterbalance to the Photography and may pull me in a bit of money creating Websites or maintaining them.So through no great effort on my part it seems that 2017 may be brighter and more colourful than I was imagining a week ago.

30 Days and Counting…

2016 - 12.01

Posted in Depression, Goals, Photography, Work | No Comments »

Well I can barely credit it being December now. It’s not so long ago I was still getting organised for my NZ South Island trip! There’s been quite a bit happen over the year I guess, but unfortunately it looks like I’m seeing the year out with out any supplementary work to assist me. I’ve stopped worrying about that for the moment as my experience has been that there’s rarely much work around between now & February. So rather than worrying about lack of income for the next two months I’m simply going to focus wholly and solely on new avenues for the Photography business. I’ve been chatting with some friends tossing ideas around and otherwise mentally preparing for round three which hopefully will see a better next year.