Other than a cold, this week seems to be shaping up a much better week than last week, I think I may even have the motivation for play again!
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
Tough Questions, Hard Answers…
2010 -
06.20
There are questions that are hard to ask, hard to answer, hard to hear the answers but the necessary clarity is a springboard for change. The wonder of life, love and friendship is the opportunity to manifest our essence in tangible form in a way that enhances the same in those close to us. I’m grateful for my friends, they’re like anchors in a stormy port that stop me washing out to sea.
Journey to the centre of…
2010 -
06.17
If someone finds my brain on the ground, can they please put it back in my skull, because I think I’ve misplaced it and filled the cavity with cotton wool instead.
Runes say patience, but great upheaval and a change that cannot be undone have already been set in motion.
Today I just don’t know. I don’t know anything really. And normally I’d say wise is the man who knows he knows almost nothing. Today it’s just, well I don’t know. But then surely to know all would be to go mad…or would it?
The Price of…
2010 -
05.27
Money can buy you sex, even very good sex, but it just can’t buy that wonderful feeling of lying in bed spooning someone you care about deeply… Pity! 🙁
Reprise
2010 -
05.22
Had been going home on lunch time train, but couple of us decided to walk up past Sammy’s old flat in Windsor then go back to Southbank for lunch at a place she would often go. Seems a nicer way to finish off things.
Poetry of the Cosmos…
2010 -
05.21
Well goodbye to Sammy is in the Royal Botanic Gardens Saturday morning. I’m glad because I can catch the Train so I don’t have to drive and find a park. Best of all for me though it’s the last place Sammy and I spent time when we met in Melbourne. I’m sure it wasn’t picked for me, but somehow it’s poetic and wonderful. I’m looking forward to it.
Turned the Corner…
2010 -
05.18
A good day today, nothing emotionally excessive, just a few patches of sadness here or there. Things are starting to feel manageable again.
Up the Spiral Staircase…
2010 -
05.17
I took today off work to help get my shit together. Went over to Sara’s this morning and had a wonderful time, and didn’t have a single thought about Sammy until I got home early this afternoon. But somewhere between lying in bed this morning with the Committee and getting home, something inside had changed.
I had somewhere without realising it found the motivation to begin to crawl up the hill again. So this afternoon I rang couple of Sammy’s friends, chatted and asked some hard questions. Then I rang work and took another day off. After that I wrote Sammy one of those letters you don’t really mean to send, but says what it has to say, while tears poured from my eyes, nearly drowning the keyboard. I put in 40 mins on the exercise bike and threw myself in the shower. Then I did a Rune Spread and after that walked halfway up my block with a chair, and sat down in the middle of the block and just did a breathe meditation with my eyes closed for 5 mins.
I’ve been solid since then, and feel more like my old self. I’m still wounded, but I believe I’ve started to heal. I hope by taking an extra day off that I’ll have a fairly normal attitude to most things back at work and won’t be “off with the pixies” 99% of the time when I get back.
Now all I have left will be the Service in a few days, but I think I’ll be as ready for that as I can ever be now. I think I may have realigned to the Cosmos again.
Seek that found in the darkest…
2010 -
05.15
The untrodden ground of mind and heart
Lit just barely through crack in the dark
A sliver of light, a pool of warmth
bathes that tiniest part of my Soul that
until now ne’er been seen ‘cept by one
Still, it may be that in days to come
there yet be, perhaps another such one
Life and Death unfold…
2010 -
05.14
I’m told tonight that Sammy won’t be shipped back she’s being buried in Italy. Susan and Gary have headed over since she’s no family anymore. There’s going to be a service in Melbourne for the rest of us which I’ll be notified soon. There’s been an interesting development for me though, apparently shortly before leaving she’d been diagnosed with Cancer (Lung) but refused treatment. It would seem now that her “retirement” may have been more than just that. It also makes sense why she cancelled our last couple of catchups, and sold up everything before she went. I choose to see now that there is some meaning in this where once I had none.
At least I feel I’ll get some closure now and perversely a sense of relief. I’ve watched people die of cancer of several types including my uncle and several friends over the years. Sometimes it’s quick, but mostly it just seems painful, undignified and messy. I would much prefer never to have to see someone I care about have to go through that sort of death again, although I doubt that.
I’ve been looking over the few things I have that she either gave me or I had as a result of my time with her years ago. It’s been taking me up and down like a yoyo over the last few days but tonight I feel a sense of some weight lifted. Now I just have to wait to say a formal “au revoir”.