Thanks to all of you who have called, emailed, texted, and dropped in with *hugs*. I’m very appreciative. It’s wonderful to feel care from so many directions, you’re all important to me, and at times I’m wondering if I show it enough. I’m still no wiser than this time last night, but I’m tired and crawling into bed.
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
And the Ground just opened up…
2010 -
05.11
I’ve just received a call tonight to tell me Sammy’s died due to some sort traffic accident in Rome or Munich, no one seems too sure yet. I feel the black closing in and I don’t know how I’m going to do this one…
Brave New World…
2010 -
05.10
In the last few days I’ve dipped my feet into a very different world, one that I’d never anticipated. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so clueless about how to be with others (in this case young children). I think I’m doing ok, but it’s all very unnerving, as I’m way out of my comfort zone.
Still, I’ve learnt in my journey through the Cosmos that I’m presented with opportunities to learn the things I need to for each new step in life. If I grasp each I will move forward on the journey.
As I learnt in early recovery, I just need the willingness to do whatever is required. As long as I have the willingness the Cosmos unfolds as it is meant to smoothly and my journey is forward to wherever I’m headed. Where I don’t know, but it will be interesting for certain, and ultimately positive and to my benefit.
There comes a time…
2010 -
05.02
This week I plan finish Mass Effect 2 by the end of the week. In fact I will have no sex until I finish this game, so it better be before week’s end, or I’m going to be moving towards a sex free weekend! It’s been too long waiting to finish. I have at least 3 others to finish too. I may have to apply the same caveat to them also…
From the mouth of a babe…
2010 -
04.27
Today I was completely taken aback by the comment of a small child. I’ve been astounded by it all day, and amazed at the impact on me…
*shakes head*
The Long and Winding Road…
2010 -
04.26
A more settled day today.
I’m not cured, I’m sure it’s going to take many years for this to desire to be quelled. Still once before 15 years ago this happened, and eventually over the last couple of years has acquiesced to simply a fondness. It may have taken 13 odd years, but it’s intensity has eventually lessened, reality has taken hold and now that deep desire but a memory!
What’s happening at present has more complications, but all will be resolved given the fullness of time and acceptance of the state of the Cosmos.
At least in this instance I’m going to win either which way, because even if nothing changes, I’m still blessed. All such intense feelings whether they be love or anger eventually “die” if not nourished. But I’ll still be left with something wonderful. Such is the way of the Cosmos.
White Knuckle Day…
2010 -
04.25
Obviously I don’t have all the holes plugged up yet, the Committee’s running rampant and I am just not yet able to hand it over to the Cosmos. I’ve been here before, you’d think it would have become easy by now. As Caligula states in the movie of the same name, “you can’t have both for the same price!”
I know I’ll get through it, work through it, but I’m knots and fire today. I need a distraction for the day. For those of you who come into contact with me, forgive me for being a bit “ratty” today.
A day to reflect…
2010 -
04.16
Over today I’ve spent several hours chatting to different people about life and living. I’ve remembered how lucky I am to be alive AND happy. Obviously happiness is still a commodity in short supply.
I guess these days I sort have gotten into the habit of taking the fact I’m happy most of the time for granted. In fact it’s been nearly a year since my last bout of deep depression.
Bouts of depression aside though, I’ve been happy for the best part of 20 years now, and there’s no doubt that’s something to be grateful for, and to show thanks in life where ever I can. Every little bit of good I do in the world is a way of showing my gratitude for what was shown to me in the first place and has kept me going since.
Thanks to all those that gave for me, taught me to give, and I hope I do as well for others.
Mirror of Dreams -> Reflections of Madness
2010 -
03.31
I wish the Committee of Desire didn’t have such free reign in my head somedays! A Demon that was sleeping seems to have turned in it’s slumber and appears to be waking again. It shouldn’t be possible to want something so badly that you logically know you can’t have and have to keep telling yourself to stop thinking you can.