Ramblings regarding my journey through the Cosmos…
I woke up around 04:00 and it seems Chemoux has been keeping guard of me overnight so at least I’ve been in good paws. Heading out to a friend’s house tonight, fixing up his PC and board gaming tomorrow before heading home. Hoping this will improve my mood.
On the positive side of life though I have managed to start getting down those short stories I indicated I was going to give a shot. Still on the first one, but at least I’m moving on them.
I must have been more tired than I realised, as I slept in until after 07:00 this morning, so getting to the Grampians at a reasonable time didn’t really happen. Shot a text to Tony apologising, thinking that if the Weather isn’t as bad as they are predicting, I should get there on Sunday instead.
Given that the weather was fantastic today for Macro Shooting, that is barely a breeze, I spent the afternoon out shooting various subjects around home. I pulled out the Stackshot and had some further practise with it and the iPad software. The lack of breeze did allow me to get some wonderfully stacked Macro shots. Those of you on the mailing list will have seen a few of them. I was pretty happy with the results and look forward to some more work with the gear later in the week.
So it seems that I must have been reasonably successful during the Assessment Session and have been invited to an Interview next week. Interestingly I don’t feel much pressure for that after yesterday’s session.
I’m also planning a Trip to the Grampians to catch up with Tony & Bec on Saturday.
Well yes I did miss yesterday, but mainly because the post was still draft. So the following is what was going to be yesterday’s post.
Work on the first short piece of writing has started, with a basic plan of the parameters of the story. This one will have a Cthulhu Mythos flavour to it. This seemed like a good choice to hold interest for the first one for me and give’s me motivation. I’m hoping it will promote an enthusiasm to put the effort into a Cthulhu RPG campaign.
Now for Today’s update.
I’ve attempted a different tactic on the sleeping cycle this time: rather than just trying to crunch it back in like I used to be able to do 10 years ago working shift work which hasn’t been working much for me this time around, I’m trying a technique suggested to my by my friend Kate. Information that she’s researched indicates that a better method is moving the time back piece by piece (so to speak). So Thursday I was awake from 23:00 (Wed night) through to about 20:00, awaking at about 03:00 this morning. This should encourage a getting back to a more regular sleep cycle for me going to bed about 22:30 and arising at 06:30. That’s the premise anyway.
I’m also planning several trips down the Geelong way to photograph wildlife so as to enter some shots in the coming competition for the Geelong by Nature. I’ve decided it’s time to get more serious about the competitions. I’m also keeping my eye out for others that may not necessarily be wild life related.
While I’ve still got energy to move (emotionally and physically) I’ve decided to cross another goal off my list of artistic endeavours I’ve always wanted to do. I’m going to write some short stories and publish them. Self publishing is a real option these days, and I guess while I can still afford internet I’d best give it a shot. I’ve set myself a goal of trying to have four done by the end of October. Once they’re done we’ll move onto the next step of publishing.
Also I’ve set a commitment of getting at least one post a week on my two Photography sites, that is both the store & the blog. As far as the Store’s concerned I’ve set myself the goal of 6 new photos a week for the next five weeks. As for the blog, at least one update a week discussing some technical issue.
I must say I’ve been struggling the last few weeks. It seems the constant Black to Red to Red to Black to Red to Red to Red to Black etc of the finances since losing the last lot of part time work has been wearing me down. I’ve noticed quite a few things slipping, and the last one has been the sleeping cycle. I can feel my depressive levels increasing and this has been borne out by the monitoring I’ve been doing over the last 18 months.
I need to pull several things in together and prevent another dive into where I was around June 2015. It’s not the lack of money that’s hurting, it’s the increasing pressure of the services that I can’t really change anymore. I’ve actually managed to decrease my electricity and gas costs over the last six months compared to last year which is pretty amazing considering it’s been colder (I think) for the most part of this winter compared to last. My food budget is well under what most households would be even accounting for my lack of partner & children. Don’t think you can do much better than $60 / week for groceries. Vegetarianism may help a bit, but I’ve already been keeping a fine line on the grocery budget over the last year.
I wasn’t deluding myself thinking I was going to be self sufficient with Shards of Arcadia by now, I’d been counting on part-time work to keep me afloat while still building the business. However without that being enough to meet the outgoings over the last twelve months, it’s been a slow slide. I really can’t last another six months of this “income”. Anybody who thinks that living on $530 a fortnight is a holiday is clearly out of touch with the reality of the cost of living in Australian Society. I know I’m not the only one, I’ve watched several friends lose their roles too, and there’s no guarantees of work for any of us anymore.
Anyway I’m not wanting to be morbid, just needing to express this and move on. I’ve made a personal commitment to myself to really put in some yards by way of holding my days together. So now I have a monthly commitment to a post every day on this site until at least the end of October.
I feel somehow that I’ve sold my soul and not in a good way by signing up to a number of “paid survey” sites to try and scrape up some cash. I have to say I’ve been pumping away at them and feel suitably “dirty”. Oh well, a new personal low.
On a positive note the Furbags will have food until at least the end of the year! I still have friends, I’m warm and have a roof over my head. It’s a good thing I’m a man of simple needs.
Well so far I’ve managed to move forward with some short-term goals and score some points. I’ve upgraded all my blogs, uploaded some fresh stock to both my Etsy Store & Shards of Arcadia. There’s also been a bit of background maintenance too for my blogs, fixing a couple of problems highlighted by the last upgrades. I’ve also adopted a new theme for this one & Idyllic Moments. Time for a change there, the previous themes had been “gathering a bit of dust” so to speak. Additionally I’d not been using the Photocrati / Imagely themes and plugins that I’ve been subscribed to for over a year with regard to these blogs. The galleries are now much improved.
Hopefully the sleep issues are resolved, as the last few weeks have been very hard trying too pull that sleep cycle back. Unsure if it’s due to transitioning off the Anti-Depressants or just the fact I’m between routines. Either way I’ve been working decisively on that this week just past. I’m going to do a day trip shoot either today or tomorrow, probably just down the coast, weather may determine the directions a bit. It’s patchy rain at present, but couple of chores to get out of the road first, before “hitting” the road.
My Furbags seem to be either in territorial disputes or accident prone, I’m not exactly sure which, all I know is that at a time when I really can’t afford Veterinary bills they’re generating them! Tiggakat had injured her tail but thankfully that’s now come good with no permanent damage it seems. Just a bald patch that’s slowly regaining fur. Chemoux has a similar patch on her back after a slight bite that she aggravated by over-grooming. Both seem to be fine after a anti-biotic shot and an anti-irritant shot by the local Vet. I’m nursing a wounded wallet! But *sigh* what would I do without them! May the Furry Gods continue to look over the feisty furbags.
The search for work is on again, as the part-time work has ended for the time being. I’m remaining open and thinking outside the box on that, and there are some possibilities with irons in the fire. Nothing fully cooked yet.
The question of striving towards Serendipity came to the forefront the other day while listening to a couple of podcasts. It occurred to me that my Depression works against Serendipity completely. I’ve noticed since my last job finished some weeks ago, that Depression is trying to assert itself again. Currently my sleeping pattern is smashed to bits, and all over the place. My motivation is flagging.
So the last few days I’ve been pondering, mind mapping and developing a regrouping plan for myself. I’ve set some short-term goals, and so far the plan for the short-term (six weeks) is focussed around the following:
Hopefully with all of these implemented piece by piece over the next month and a half, other aspects of my life will begin pull together again.
In making the decision to move to Vegetarianism, not Vegan, but definitely no meath red or white. Philosophically I’ve begun to be too uncomfortable about the way we treat animals in the quest for food.
I’m thinking outside the box and my comfort zone as far as the type of work that I’m looking for goes, and hopefully promoting Serendipity will lead me to something helpful there soon.
So how does this relate to Serendipity you may ask? Well it’s all making moves towards promoting Serendipity by taking action. Depression pushes me into a zone of inertness and no action. Serendipity cannot happen with no action. If I want my creative pursuits to flourish I need to be healthy, active questing and not passive.
Well here it is, next to the last day in NZ. I’ve been a little moody today, most likely due to the fact I’ve got mixed feelings about leaving, but miss the Furbags and would like a night in a comfortable bed. My Van isn’t the most comfortable, but it’s been all I have for the month. I’ve really enjoyed the month’s focus on shooting, walking and enjoying beautiful scenery and meeting wonderful people.
I feel my shooting has improved remarkably with the full-time application of myself to it, day in and day out. It’s been easy without the familiar distractions that to often entrap me while home. This escape for a month was exactly what I needed to step out of my Depression. I will be moving off the medication regime very soon after my return.
I have to say I’m in love with NZ South Island. In fact there’s really no where except one small area that I wouldn’t live quite happily. The people are friendly and still have a very strong sense of community. It’s something that Australians are losing very very quickly. Australians seem to becoming very arrogant over the last decade, and I think this is only noticed when you spend time away from them. We (Australians) have much to learn about dealing with the rest of the world I think.
Anyway I’m considering very strongly how to move over here. Time frame maybe two years. We shall see. But it’s renewed my inspiration, and my interest in life. Hopefully I can bring such re-invigorated zest back home with me and apply it to life back home.
*Note that this post was meant to have been posted on the 11th May.
Well here it begins, my first international shoot. At 05:20 I have embarked on my first Photography Shoot overseas. Admittedly it’s New Zealand so not as exotic as some destinations, but it’s a huge start for me.
I have to say that I’m exhausted already just getting onto the flight. It seems so much more stressful than domestic flying. Anyway I will be sleeping well tonight (I hope); the flight was a little late taking off so I hope I’m still able to pick up my Jucy Van this afternoon.
I didn’t think I was feeling that excited earlier, admittedly I’m feeling tired, but I confess to now beginning to feel a level of excitement increasing at an increasing pace. At the moment I think it’s mostly about just being completely alone, and able to ignore the banal mainstream struggler that is work, pay bills, try to build my business, work, pay bills etcetera. I know I’m going to miss my Furbags, hopefully they don’t miss me too much: I could not have left them in better hands. I only hope Pat survives the process and they don’t run him ragged playing tricks on him and creating problems for Bob & Jan.
Although this is a trip for Shards of Arcadia, I am hoping to enjoy myself at the same time. I’ve never had a break like this where I haven’t had to worry about work, not working, just enjoying something I’m passionate about with no immediate time constraints and schedule. I have an itinerary but it’s quite fluid and there are sufficiently activities that are optional if time permits. There’s no real hurry. I unsure how long if ever I’ll get this opportunity again in the short to medium term.