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    Pulling Myself Out of the Pit…


    2015 - 02.01

    Well the week has passed and finished on fairly high notes.

    Work has been extremely supportive and we’re shaping some new strategies to help me stay there at this stage. Yes it’s in their interests to do so, I’m a high performer when I’m there. Certainly from my point of view, the longer I can stay at this point the better off financially I can be working towards substituting Photography for my income.

    The Bank approved my application so I’ve removed the burden of Credit Card Debt from my outgoings, and that will make a significant difference to my financial state within a few months. Just in time for winter, given that is my worst time of year from a bills perspective. I think I’ve developed the discipline over the last two years to make the most of this opportunity now. I have one expensive item on my list, a Nikon D810, but it will be waiting until I have the cash ready.

    The Anxiety has virtually vanished overnight with the response from work, and coupling that with the change in finances, my general disposition is at the highest it’s been in years!

    Just need to get some more Cat Food before the Furbags start eating me in my sleep!

    In for a lot of Dungeon Crawling…


    2015 - 01.24

    Another tough week, but at least there’s been some positive action come out of it, if only because of an unexpected attack of anxiety as well. I don’t normally feel anxious as such. My Depression generally manifests without it. But this week I began to get caught up in a being in a maelstrom of Depression & Anxiety with seemingly no hope of escape.

    However I managed to springboard off to another chat with the GP and up the Antidepressants for a period of time until things become manageable again. I’ve also organised to talk with the Bank about rejigging the mortgage to fortnightly payments and suck up the last of my credit cards into the mortgage to focus all my debt in one place with a much lower interest rate. That will make a huge difference to me by the end of this year. I’ve also hooked up with a new Psychologist since my last one has retired and I’ve been procrastinating about organising another one. Just need to get the workplace sorted out for the time being and try and settle in for the ride again.

    However with all that good work done this week, I had a bit of an emotional spend. Of course I blame the cat Chemoux; I reckon she’s worse than Tigga, it must be the Kitten in her still. In the cat’s defence, all of them were reduced by 20% or more.

    So really what’s happened now up to this point tonight is a spending spree consisting of the following: Descent ver. 2 plus a couple of expansions and additionally the unrelated Battle of the Five Armies. All of these from Games Paradise. However they didn’t have some of the expansions in stock. Then, a quick trip to Ozgameshop and picked up a conversion kit to convert the Descent Ver. 1 characters and monsters for play with Ver. 2. Then slipped over to Bookdepository, and picked up the expansions I couldn’t get at games paradise or ozgameshop. It’s concerning for me that book depository are now selling boardgames.

    All in all a good shop, and I can’t actually remember the last boardgame I bought, it’s been a while. I’d say it must have been the final expansion for Arkham Horror being the Miskatonic Horror. This was an expansion for every previous expansion and the main game. I do love my Arkham Horror too.

    Amongst the Waves…and Waves…and Waves…


    2015 - 01.18

    It’s been a tough week for me with only managing two days of work while wrestling with this seemingly stretching bout of Depression. Still two days is better than none. Hopefully this week I’m going to make it back on track, with a long weekend at the end of it.

    An interesting question struck me while I have been delving amongst the difficulties dealing with pulling myself out of this round. “What is this sense of feeling trapped” about? What is the key to breaking out of it? There seems to be a sense of criticalness about this question for me that gives me hope that it may open a door to a more positive space.

    More to come I guess.

    A Resolution of Sorts…


    2014 - 12.27

    Well into the last gasp of 2014 now, and within a few days it will be 2015! I’m looking forward to this year in a lot of ways. This will be the year I am positioning myself to break out of my Depressive Cycle. I have a plan to deal with the occupational aspects contributing to my Depression, and I’m well on the way to making more significant strides in the aspects outside of work.

    In many ways they’ve proved easier to make the ground in, due to my capacity to make a huge difference from my side. Work is more complicated than that, and my input has far less impact. However, as I said there’s a plan in motion, with a 6 to 12 month timeframe there. I’m looking forward to that starting to take substance!

    Flurry of Hands…


    2014 - 12.21

    Well no photography yesterday, but spent most of the day whipping Darriwell into shape. Whole block mown or whipper snipped; shrubbery trimmed, some tiling done in the bathroom, paths all swept, steps cleaned and some fresh weather stripping on the doors. Feeling much better now. Tough to find the motivation by myself, but I seconded Father to assist and managed to get done what would have taken me all weekend in about 8 hours. Not sure how the Furbags feel about it, but I’m sure they’ll find something beneficial out of it all. I have to say I feel much better about having it done now. Depression isn’t conducive to such work being achieved in a hurry.

    Change of the Tide…


    2014 - 12.19

    Finally! I may be on track again. Depression seems to be lifting, which is strange for me with the Silly Season just around the corner. At least I’m feeling much better than I’ve felt in weeks. Work’s going to happen today. Mind you, I will be leaving about 13:30 today, ‘cos I’m desperate enough to get there to get in an hour early, but not desperate enough to go putting in extra hours just yet.

    Tough Choices Ahead…


    2014 - 12.11

    I began to wonder today if this most recent bout of Depression isn’t really trying to make me realise that I’m just really in the wrong space at this point. No matter which Personality Test I have taken over the years, they consistently indicate that my Personality Type really isn’t supposed to be doing, or expected to be doing what I do for a living now. My Personality Type is generally expected to be best suited for Helping Professions, Teaching Professions, or Artistic endeavours. I think it’s really time I bit the bullet and made some tough choices. After all, I am really quite over working in IT!

    A New Hope…


    2014 - 12.06

    Well the last few weeks have been hard! Depression has been eating away at me again. At least this time I’ve managed to use my recovery process for it to spur me on to do some things I’ve been wanting to do! I’ve put in quite a bit of effort at trying to generate an income from my photography, updating Shards of Arcadia, creating an Etsy shop ShardsOfArcadia, setting some wheels in motion for other aspects of the business that may allow me to work part-time or even provide income enough to see me retire. I’ve even registered the domains ShardsOfArcadia.com & .net. I’m not yet ready to load up there, but it’s mine if I’m going to use it later.

    Anyway it’s provided motivation where there’s been none, and hopefully some future hope!

    The Sinking Ship or the Lifeboat…


    2014 - 11.24

    I’ve decided to take the chance and start trying to market some of my Photography. Clearly I’m not in a position to leave my day job, and I doubt I will be for some time to come.

    Yet it feels to me that now might be the right time to make that plunge into the alternative economic options for my future. I have to say that my current job is driving me crazy. Feeling shackled by the Golden Handcuffs is clearly not helpful for my depression. If I don’t give it a go, I won’t know, as they say! If I can put as much energy and work into it as I did twenty years ago for computing I may just be able to make an accpetable (to me) living from photography or a combination of that and some other options.

    Thud and Pick Myself Up…


    2014 - 11.18

    Well a bit of a crash with the depression, but picking myself up again. Much quicker these days, and I’ve had time to get into perspective the precipitating events and interactions. Work is a significant trigger of these cycles. I’m just going to have to keep coming up with strategies to get me through while I work on the alternatives in the background.