How is it that “Bladerunner” always manages to ground me when much fails?
Archive for the ‘Health’ Category
Journey to the centre of…
2010 -
06.17
If someone finds my brain on the ground, can they please put it back in my skull, because I think I’ve misplaced it and filled the cavity with cotton wool instead.
Runes say patience, but great upheaval and a change that cannot be undone have already been set in motion.
Today I just don’t know. I don’t know anything really. And normally I’d say wise is the man who knows he knows almost nothing. Today it’s just, well I don’t know. But then surely to know all would be to go mad…or would it?
Me but am I…
2010 -
06.02
Well things have settled down mostly it seems, I guess I’ve become fatalistic about some things, and no doubt I’m a bit crankier than usual. As per usual it’s my self centredness, selfishness and desire for instant gratification that’s at the heart of the matter(s). Hopefully I’ll be on top of that shortly, I’m sure it’s frustrating for everyone else as well as myself.
The Cosmos seems a harsh mistress lately and my soul feels bruised.
The Price of…
2010 -
05.27
Money can buy you sex, even very good sex, but it just can’t buy that wonderful feeling of lying in bed spooning someone you care about deeply… Pity! 🙁
Reprise
2010 -
05.22
Had been going home on lunch time train, but couple of us decided to walk up past Sammy’s old flat in Windsor then go back to Southbank for lunch at a place she would often go. Seems a nicer way to finish off things.
Poetry of the Cosmos…
2010 -
05.21
Well goodbye to Sammy is in the Royal Botanic Gardens Saturday morning. I’m glad because I can catch the Train so I don’t have to drive and find a park. Best of all for me though it’s the last place Sammy and I spent time when we met in Melbourne. I’m sure it wasn’t picked for me, but somehow it’s poetic and wonderful. I’m looking forward to it.
Did I just see or hear something…
2010 -
05.21
Pretty Good day. And damn how does someone catch me by surprise like that?
Turned the Corner…
2010 -
05.18
A good day today, nothing emotionally excessive, just a few patches of sadness here or there. Things are starting to feel manageable again.
Up the Spiral Staircase…
2010 -
05.17
I took today off work to help get my shit together. Went over to Sara’s this morning and had a wonderful time, and didn’t have a single thought about Sammy until I got home early this afternoon. But somewhere between lying in bed this morning with the Committee and getting home, something inside had changed.
I had somewhere without realising it found the motivation to begin to crawl up the hill again. So this afternoon I rang couple of Sammy’s friends, chatted and asked some hard questions. Then I rang work and took another day off. After that I wrote Sammy one of those letters you don’t really mean to send, but says what it has to say, while tears poured from my eyes, nearly drowning the keyboard. I put in 40 mins on the exercise bike and threw myself in the shower. Then I did a Rune Spread and after that walked halfway up my block with a chair, and sat down in the middle of the block and just did a breathe meditation with my eyes closed for 5 mins.
I’ve been solid since then, and feel more like my old self. I’m still wounded, but I believe I’ve started to heal. I hope by taking an extra day off that I’ll have a fairly normal attitude to most things back at work and won’t be “off with the pixies” 99% of the time when I get back.
Now all I have left will be the Service in a few days, but I think I’ll be as ready for that as I can ever be now. I think I may have realigned to the Cosmos again.
A simple request…
2010 -
05.16
Dear Cosmos,
I’d really like a day soon when I wasn’t an emotional ricochet all day…
PS. don’t tell Furbag, I would like a few more late breakfasts on her part 😉