Archive for the ‘Health’ Category
2010 -
05.14
Posted in General, Health, Philosophy, Relationships | No Comments »
I’m told tonight that Sammy won’t be shipped back she’s being buried in Italy. Susan and Gary have headed over since she’s no family anymore. There’s going to be a service in Melbourne for the rest of us which I’ll be notified soon. There’s been an interesting development for me though, apparently shortly before leaving she’d been diagnosed with Cancer (Lung) but refused treatment. It would seem now that her “retirement” may have been more than just that. It also makes sense why she cancelled our last couple of catchups, and sold up everything before she went. I choose to see now that there is some meaning in this where once I had none.
At least I feel I’ll get some closure now and perversely a sense of relief. I’ve watched people die of cancer of several types including my uncle and several friends over the years. Sometimes it’s quick, but mostly it just seems painful, undignified and messy. I would much prefer never to have to see someone I care about have to go through that sort of death again, although I doubt that.
I’ve been looking over the few things I have that she either gave me or I had as a result of my time with her years ago. It’s been taking me up and down like a yoyo over the last few days but tonight I feel a sense of some weight lifted. Now I just have to wait to say a formal “au revoir”.
2010 -
05.13
Posted in Dreams, Health | No Comments »
Tough night, several dreams of losing people, not just Sammy, even the Furbag. Couple of them started out good though only to end badly. Seem more tired than when I went to bed last night! If it hadn’t been that I had so much work at work that had to be done to a timeline I think I’d still be curled up in a ball in bed
I’m a frog in a pond jumping from lily to lily where each starts to sink after a short period of stability. I guess I’ll get to land again sooner or later.
2010 -
05.12
Posted in General, Health, Relationships | No Comments »
Thanks to all of you who have called, emailed, texted, and dropped in with *hugs*. I’m very appreciative. It’s wonderful to feel care from so many directions, you’re all important to me, and at times I’m wondering if I show it enough. I’m still no wiser than this time last night, but I’m tired and crawling into bed.
2010 -
05.10
Posted in Dreams, General, Health, Humour, Philosophy, Relationships | No Comments »
In the last few days I’ve dipped my feet into a very different world, one that I’d never anticipated. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so clueless about how to be with others (in this case young children). I think I’m doing ok, but it’s all very unnerving, as I’m way out of my comfort zone.
Still, I’ve learnt in my journey through the Cosmos that I’m presented with opportunities to learn the things I need to for each new step in life. If I grasp each I will move forward on the journey.
As I learnt in early recovery, I just need the willingness to do whatever is required. As long as I have the willingness the Cosmos unfolds as it is meant to smoothly and my journey is forward to wherever I’m headed. Where I don’t know, but it will be interesting for certain, and ultimately positive and to my benefit.
2010 -
05.05
Posted in Dreams, Health, Humour, Philosophy, Sex | No Comments »
Today is a much better day overall. Things have settled for me, the Committee (in my head) seems to have disbanded and I’m a little less “scatterbrained”. Oddly I think the focus on getting a couple of games finished and not chasing sex as an avoidance has worked! :S
I actually think this is one Occasion when sex isn’t the answer!
(did I just write that?)
2010 -
05.04
Posted in Dreams, General, Goals, Health, Philosophy, Runes | No Comments »
My Runes are telling my it’s going to be tough going with the Cosmos in the medium term, that I need to change and that much that was, needs to be left behind. There is no satisfactory refuge that isn’t a failure to face reality. I feel like I’m in Milkwood. I think I need a very very long holiday…
2010 -
05.03
Posted in Health, Humour, Philosophy | No Comments »
Morning was a bit tough, but made easier by a friend cheering me up although I’m fairly certain she’s unaware how she did. Cosmos always seems to put the right person in the right place at the right time, even if it’s across the Ether!
2010 -
05.02
Posted in Dreams, Games, General, Health, Relationships, Sex, Tech | No Comments »
This week I plan finish Mass Effect 2 by the end of the week. In fact I will have no sex until I finish this game, so it better be before week’s end, or I’m going to be moving towards a sex free weekend! It’s been too long waiting to finish. I have at least 3 others to finish too. I may have to apply the same caveat to them also…
2010 -
04.30
Posted in General, Health, Sex, Work | 1 Comment »
*sigh* I’m glad it’s Friday, I’m a bit tired of the Political Machinations going on at work lately. Looking forward to just getting out of the place tonight. Going to need some unwinding tonight…
2010 -
04.26
Posted in General, Health, Philosophy, Relationships | No Comments »
A more settled day today.
I’m not cured, I’m sure it’s going to take many years for this to desire to be quelled. Still once before 15 years ago this happened, and eventually over the last couple of years has acquiesced to simply a fondness. It may have taken 13 odd years, but it’s intensity has eventually lessened, reality has taken hold and now that deep desire but a memory!
What’s happening at present has more complications, but all will be resolved given the fullness of time and acceptance of the state of the Cosmos.
At least in this instance I’m going to win either which way, because even if nothing changes, I’m still blessed. All such intense feelings whether they be love or anger eventually “die” if not nourished. But I’ll still be left with something wonderful. Such is the way of the Cosmos.