Between Bag End & Orodruin

Perception, it’s really the lynchpin between the Objective and the Subjective.

There’s no doubt I wasn’t socialized very effectively. I’ve spent the bulk of the last 20 years living by myself, alone except for Furbag. This has been my choice, yet a large number of people seem to believe that there’s something wrong about that choice. The majority of people seem uncomfortable with the idea that a person might be genuinely happy without a partner or family. It seems, in general, that this idea is stranger to the young than the middle aged or more senior, so I suspect the process of socialization has much to contribute to this belief. It’s only as you become older and more experienced, that you see the fallacies of such tenants.

Popular Western, and for that matter many other cultures, would have us believe that one must always have a partner of sorts to resolve social situations, problems, raise children and basically represent the pillars of Western Society.

Yet, so many of us have either separated, serialized our catastrophic monogamous relationship mechanisms or simply accepted a failed configuration as a given; but stick with it rather than go alone. Many appear to have children irresponsibly, caring not for how they will provide, and what they will provide to kit such offspring for the world of the future. Alone is somehow “failure”.

Statistically people have more failed relationships than healthy ones. Those that choose to stay with the model have, I believe, become victims to a large degree a set of unrealized expectations. Yet such choices are still held as desirable rather than the single choice.

There’s no doubt some disadvantages to choosing to live alone and choosing selectively in a considered way when to engage in a “partnership”. There’s arguments on both sides about the financial aspects of such choices, although it’s fairly clear that for women, generally it’s a less affluent choice. Society still financially rewards women in general much less than the equivalent male situation. Women leaving relationships in general report a reduced standard of living and income, while men apparently enjoy an increased! I believe that in general financially I’d be better off with someone financially contributing to a partnership, but of course there would be trade offs. In general I do believe I pay for the privilege of living alone.

As to company, for the most part I suppose Furbag fulfills some needs in that regard, but all said and done, she’s still feline, not human: conversations are generally one way, and resolutions consistently one-sided(and not mine). I admit to on occasion missing company, not strongly enough to consider myself feeling lonely, but there’s no doubt times I yearn for intimate companionship on the spiritual level, not just the sexual. And then I consider the price.

I don’t want children. Never have, never will. I don’t believe in marriage, never have, never will. Although it’s nice to have someone in the bed at times, I only want that sometimes. I’d like to have those wonderful evening conversations that are portrayed with such repetition in mainstream remedial relationship indoctrination, but unfortunately they seem to be mainly myth. Sammy, has probably been the “best fit” for me that any person has ever been, and yet we can’t allow ourselves to blur those lines. Our fear of losing what we do have spiritually, and sexually for those brief times we’ve allowed ourselves together, is too great for either of us. Now the Cosmos has taken that option away anyway.

I’m obviously just selfish and a crazy old catman. Somehow Hookers & Catfood just keep coming out in front. 🙂