There are some old friends where you just don’t have to say anything, they understand perfectly, there’s a connection that transcends the spoken word. You can discuss anything freely without fear or prejudice. Just being with them creates tangible changes in the Cosmos around you both and creates that sort of Microcosm where the rest of the world just doesn’t matter for 12 hours, or a day. Total Freedom to be!
Helen and I were having a post breakfast chat in bed this morning, and it’s amazing how interesting morning after conversations get when there’s no “romantic” emotional content to clear from the air. The conversation turned to people who had left their mark on us, where that had left us, and how people all too many times seem determined to drag relationships through the wringer so far that they end up despising those that once they claimed to love.
I was struck this morning with the idea that in some part this is an unconscious attempt to subvert the old feelings that can arise when you see this person again later. Yet the rewards for those who can extricate themselves before descending into the never-ending spiral of the blame game are potentially great. To have someone that you’ve been through much with, and agreed that you’ve run your course without needing to blame each other for something that no longer worked is worth more than money can buy. Helen and I’ve both enjoyed the benefits of such including with each other.
A slightly different case in point was yesterday, where despite my best efforts to feel nothing, I just don’t seem to have surgically removed all. What’s left is harmless, but a humbling experience, because I realise I just cannot exorcise it all no matter how much I would like to, without losing what I’ve worked so hard to achieve over all these years. I was intrigued because it doesn’t seem to matter how well you think you burn certain feelings out of you, and cauterise the area, you can’t seem to cut it all out. It seems a bit like cancer. There’s always the potential for it all to come undone when you see that person face to face again. You realise then that unless you’ve perverted that old love to hate, you’re always going to be doomed to feel something no matter how little is left.
Just seeing them is enough to remind you of what attraction there was once before. And then we spooned, and there we lay, 2 drifters in the Cosmos, both alone but not lonely…
