And just when needed, the Cosmos provides an ear; thanks Kate, glad you got some chuckles too… 🙂
Too many bricks and a wall…
2010 -
08.22
I don’t know why I would begin to think to the contrary, but the Runes were spot on yet again. Doors have closed, some things are lost, perhaps others were never really there. Intentionally or not there’s just nothing left to connect on. Either way suddenly I realise that there’s just no place for me in some realities…
A reach across time & space…
2010 -
08.11
Alive or dead, physically present or not, those close to us exert amazing influence even without doing anything. To have been touched intimately either physically, emotionally or spiritually binds us to another far more than we may intend at the time. Even Time is not a barrier, although it seems to be the only salve to appease a soul’s hunger or desire and even then it seems we’re not necessarily proof. A remembered look, or touch, a breath across the neck, or hair across the stomach lingers for years, decades…
Wolf’s been snacking…
2010 -
08.11
This morning I’ve woken up at “the hour of the wolf” feeling that I’ve a fist size hole in my guts and can’t stop missing Sammy. There’s no apparent trigger. Right now there seems to be nothing I want more than to roll over and just find anyone here in the bed to hold and hold and hold…
I’m actually scared I’d squeeze the life out of whomever it was though…
Beyond Poe…
2010 -
08.10
Went to see Inception tonight with an old friend whom I’ve not seen since the start of the year. Odd experience I must say on both accounts. This is one of those movies I feel the need to see again to get my head completely around and I feel as much confused as I enjoyed the film. Edgar Allan Poe would have been amused I think: A Dream within a Dream within a Dream. On a side note, I’ve begun to enjoy watching Leonardo Dicaprio in his more recent films when he’s not being portrayed as simply a handsome lead. This is also odd…
A night of oddities!
Early Spring cleaning…
2010 -
07.29
Runes and a Tarot reading by a friend resonate with my guts, tough choices ahead, moving on from certain things and August is around the corner. Dreams scarier than normal.
I’m hoping that with the roller coaster year I’ve had, August will be less difficult that it often is for me. Starting the month with some visits from friends: some will earn their breakfast the hard way and some the easy way! 🙂
Caught in the Blizzard…
2010 -
07.28
Yes I crumbled pathetically on my stance about Starcraft 2 not more than 2 hours into the first day on sale: in my hot little hands by 11:00 yesterday. I’m actually not sorry. Despite my protestations, I guess I knew a couple of weeks ago my staunch determination to boycott it was under strain, it took only a price of $69 to pervert me.
Something particularly ironic that the price was such, as I’ve never known a 69 I could resist…
A different sort of Pillow Talk…
2010 -
07.18
There are some old friends where you just don’t have to say anything, they understand perfectly, there’s a connection that transcends the spoken word. You can discuss anything freely without fear or prejudice. Just being with them creates tangible changes in the Cosmos around you both and creates that sort of Microcosm where the rest of the world just doesn’t matter for 12 hours, or a day. Total Freedom to be!
Helen and I were having a post breakfast chat in bed this morning, and it’s amazing how interesting morning after conversations get when there’s no “romantic” emotional content to clear from the air. The conversation turned to people who had left their mark on us, where that had left us, and how people all too many times seem determined to drag relationships through the wringer so far that they end up despising those that once they claimed to love.
I was struck this morning with the idea that in some part this is an unconscious attempt to subvert the old feelings that can arise when you see this person again later. Yet the rewards for those who can extricate themselves before descending into the never-ending spiral of the blame game are potentially great. To have someone that you’ve been through much with, and agreed that you’ve run your course without needing to blame each other for something that no longer worked is worth more than money can buy. Helen and I’ve both enjoyed the benefits of such including with each other.
A slightly different case in point was yesterday, where despite my best efforts to feel nothing, I just don’t seem to have surgically removed all. What’s left is harmless, but a humbling experience, because I realise I just cannot exorcise it all no matter how much I would like to, without losing what I’ve worked so hard to achieve over all these years. I was intrigued because it doesn’t seem to matter how well you think you burn certain feelings out of you, and cauterise the area, you can’t seem to cut it all out. It seems a bit like cancer. There’s always the potential for it all to come undone when you see that person face to face again. You realise then that unless you’ve perverted that old love to hate, you’re always going to be doomed to feel something no matter how little is left.
Just seeing them is enough to remind you of what attraction there was once before. And then we spooned, and there we lay, 2 drifters in the Cosmos, both alone but not lonely…