Well the year rolls over, and the birthday shag tradition is intact just…
The Cosmos certainly toted with me though: I had no power from 0:45 Sunday morning until 18:30 Sunday evening. I’d rescheduled twice in anticipation of the worst! But fortunately all was sorted with time to spare. Considering my guest / present was traveling this had had me sweating (in a bad way).
Anyway saw in the early early morn in the most fitting way I can think of for such a day and that’s the main thing.
The Cosmos provides.
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
And the answer is: not 42…
2010 -
09.06
Not yet Spring but…
2010 -
08.24
I’ve decided that I need to take my holiday a little bit earlier than I originally planned. Thus I’m finishing up at the end of the week, and Helen and I going to catch up for a few days first up her way, then slip back down here, she’s wanting to catch up on some family business. We may also drop into Newcastle while I’m up that way and catch up with Pat if we feel so inclinded. Had been going to catch up with Marcus, but he’s still in Thailand “wheeling and dealing his new ‘condo'” but I’ll guess I’ll learn all about that when he’s back in the country. Short of that the only definite must is the traditional birthday shag! I’m falling back on “old timers” for such pleasurable occasions this year, and I don’t foresee any thing more permanent in the medium term future. I’m guessing that’s for the best or the Cosmos would be providing otherwise.
Other than that I’ll try and get a bit done on some of the little projects for the house I’ve been pondering and get some games cleared off the list. Money’s tight, but that’s how I roll… 😉
Something about Kate…
2010 -
08.23
And just when needed, the Cosmos provides an ear; thanks Kate, glad you got some chuckles too… 🙂
Too many bricks and a wall…
2010 -
08.22
I don’t know why I would begin to think to the contrary, but the Runes were spot on yet again. Doors have closed, some things are lost, perhaps others were never really there. Intentionally or not there’s just nothing left to connect on. Either way suddenly I realise that there’s just no place for me in some realities…
A reach across time & space…
2010 -
08.11
Alive or dead, physically present or not, those close to us exert amazing influence even without doing anything. To have been touched intimately either physically, emotionally or spiritually binds us to another far more than we may intend at the time. Even Time is not a barrier, although it seems to be the only salve to appease a soul’s hunger or desire and even then it seems we’re not necessarily proof. A remembered look, or touch, a breath across the neck, or hair across the stomach lingers for years, decades…
Wolf’s been snacking…
2010 -
08.11
This morning I’ve woken up at “the hour of the wolf” feeling that I’ve a fist size hole in my guts and can’t stop missing Sammy. There’s no apparent trigger. Right now there seems to be nothing I want more than to roll over and just find anyone here in the bed to hold and hold and hold…
I’m actually scared I’d squeeze the life out of whomever it was though…
Early Spring cleaning…
2010 -
07.29
Runes and a Tarot reading by a friend resonate with my guts, tough choices ahead, moving on from certain things and August is around the corner. Dreams scarier than normal.
I’m hoping that with the roller coaster year I’ve had, August will be less difficult that it often is for me. Starting the month with some visits from friends: some will earn their breakfast the hard way and some the easy way! 🙂
A different sort of Pillow Talk…
2010 -
07.18
There are some old friends where you just don’t have to say anything, they understand perfectly, there’s a connection that transcends the spoken word. You can discuss anything freely without fear or prejudice. Just being with them creates tangible changes in the Cosmos around you both and creates that sort of Microcosm where the rest of the world just doesn’t matter for 12 hours, or a day. Total Freedom to be!
Helen and I were having a post breakfast chat in bed this morning, and it’s amazing how interesting morning after conversations get when there’s no “romantic” emotional content to clear from the air. The conversation turned to people who had left their mark on us, where that had left us, and how people all too many times seem determined to drag relationships through the wringer so far that they end up despising those that once they claimed to love.
I was struck this morning with the idea that in some part this is an unconscious attempt to subvert the old feelings that can arise when you see this person again later. Yet the rewards for those who can extricate themselves before descending into the never-ending spiral of the blame game are potentially great. To have someone that you’ve been through much with, and agreed that you’ve run your course without needing to blame each other for something that no longer worked is worth more than money can buy. Helen and I’ve both enjoyed the benefits of such including with each other.
A slightly different case in point was yesterday, where despite my best efforts to feel nothing, I just don’t seem to have surgically removed all. What’s left is harmless, but a humbling experience, because I realise I just cannot exorcise it all no matter how much I would like to, without losing what I’ve worked so hard to achieve over all these years. I was intrigued because it doesn’t seem to matter how well you think you burn certain feelings out of you, and cauterise the area, you can’t seem to cut it all out. It seems a bit like cancer. There’s always the potential for it all to come undone when you see that person face to face again. You realise then that unless you’ve perverted that old love to hate, you’re always going to be doomed to feel something no matter how little is left.
Just seeing them is enough to remind you of what attraction there was once before. And then we spooned, and there we lay, 2 drifters in the Cosmos, both alone but not lonely…
The Bed’s too big without … Who?
2010 -
07.07
Definitely getting over the cold now, not 100%, but getting close.
With a couple of further days off last week attempting to recover from this cold, I managed to knock off Heavy Rain. I’m strongly considering buying a second hand PS3 provided I can find one at a reasonable price just to play this game again a few more times. I actually bought a new copy for $50 from JB Hifi which has sort of committed me to this, albeit at the appropriate time designated by the Cosmos.
The emotional reframing I’ve been working on has also been progressing well too, with a good sense of stability returning and a sense of grounding also. There’s been a few tough patches, but the last few days have unfolded much more comfortably. It’s amazing that Albert Ellis’ RE(b)T is still a useful avenue for positive change. Couple that with revisiting a bit of Psychosynthesis and the medium to long term prognosis is very good.
Let’s just say I’m feeling up for continued diet of non committal sex, whores and assorted toys. I guess I’m just prepared to acknowledge that I occasionally feel sad about an empty bed by 07:00.
A Gypsy Fancy gone with the Caravan…
2010 -
06.29
Recovery from this Cold is progressing finally, not cured, but on the mend. So while a physical purging is in progress, so too is an emotional exorcism. Some feelings just can’t be held onto if life is to go on forward.
I’ve always been one to try to move forward in the journey, and now is a time that demands I move forward sooner rather than later. If I dwell within what is held when there is no reason to hold on, I’ll slowly die a little more each day. So I’m purging both physically and emotionally. Hopefully to spiritually move forward, and embrace the Cosmos again, rather than try to force my way aside from the path.